When I was 13, I remembered making a mental five-year-plan in my head. It was rather simple back then - pass O Levels and move on to poly.

At 18 when my polytechnic life started, I couldn't wait to zoom into the future. Again, I planned, and somehow predicted how my life would be like within the next few years. Of course, I didn't look forward to growing up (and growing older) especially with the responsibilities that came with it. But unfortunately, turning back time wasn't an option - so I made the best out of it.

Again, it was simpler. Get through three years of polytechnic, get my diploma at the end of it and move on to working life.

Today, I'm 23.

If you'd ask me ten years ago, I'd be sure to tell you that I'll see myself as a nurse today because that was what I wanted to be. I had a fiery passion towards helping sick people and a fairly strong desire to see people get better and healthier. It was a career that gave me the chance to witness life-changing moments, both good and bad. It gave me a special kind of satisfaction that no other profession can give and for a while, I was content with where I was in life.

But here's the thing, I'm not 13 anymore. I'm 23.

I've honestly never thought that I'd find myself at another crossroad, and if I may add, the paths weren't as exciting as how it used to be. In fact, it's the total opposite. It was the fear of change and fear of failure that got me drowning in dilemma for so long.

It irritates me that I don't have anything going on and that once again, I'm left on a cliffhanger. My mind that's used to the idea of a more clearer future now only revolves around one question - what now?

And then it struck me, that being lost may not necessarily be a bad thing.

As much as it pains me to know that my life may be leading towards many different (and very confusing) directions at once, I guess I owe it to myself to see this as an opportunity to discover myself.

I'd like to think that being lost means walking into a whole new world of possibilities. To be 23 and still have a lot of years ahead of me is indeed a privilege to be thankful for and that it's okay if I'm not acing in my career yet.

Today, at 23, it's hard to be grateful - especially so when disappointments just keeps on piling up. In fact, every time someone wishes me happy birthday, I'd find myself trying to swallow back my tears because it seems as though there's not much to be happy about.

And then there it was, the quote that sits on my desk which says, "Sometimes on the way to the dream, you get lost and find a better one."

Indeed, no one gets anywhere by staying stagnant.

I'd like to end this post hoping that in a few years, I'd be given more opportunities to advance myself or divert my career path towards the culinary arts or maybe, just maybe, become someone's wife. But if there's anything that I've learned from this experience is that it's okay if I don't have the answers now.

But if there's anything certain, whether I'm 33 or 73, is that I'll be thankful for this phase. And right now, after I'm done gaining back the energy that I've wasted from moping nearly the entire day, I'm just going to enjoy being 23 and lost.

Because after all, you need to be lost, in order to be found.

Solo Staycation @ Studio M Hotel

My decision to have a solo staycation honestly came out of nowhere. Sure, it was something I've always wanted to try out and it's something I see myself doing during a time when I'm finished with school but thing is that when you're a full time nurse and an undergrad who's going through a roller coaster of emotions, it just gets too much. 

So, I needed a weekend where I could rejuvenate. Obviously my ideal idea of "rejuvenating" is spending a week at a villa with a private pool and a masseuse *starts looking at holiday options in Bali*  

It started on a Sunday evening at work when I was randomly looking through staycation ideas (my colleagues played a part in helping me decide where I should stay). Fast forward, I decided to settle for Studio M. 

It was located at Robertson Quay - a part of Singapore I have never been to.  

The route was fairly simple. I reached Bugis an hour early, went to Starbucks at Raffles Hospital to work on part of my assignment before making my way to the hotel. It was a 20 minute bus ride from Parkview Square and when I saw the beautiful Alkaff Bridge, I knew I was there. 

I was greeted by the front desk staff who could tell that I was a noob at all these. Apparently, I was there ~ 50 minutes early and was prepared to just leave my bag at the lobby and check the place out. There was a quaint book cafe across the road that I was dying to see. 

The staff then offered me if I wanted to upgrade for an extra $30 (inc late check outs, complimentary breakfast etc) and I was contemplating at first but meh, why not right? 

I've heard so many great things about this place and I can see why. 

I'm the kind of person who values comfort. Maybe this place isn't as extravagant as Fullerton Hotel or Marina Bay Sands but there has always been something about cozy spaces that I adore. 

The loft was fit for two - or four at most. I had an awesome view of the Singapore River and it was somewhat better than the bustling skyline. The work space was wide enough for me to do my work (I ended up being really productive by the way) and the wifi was amazingly fast. 

The bed was located on the second floor, which I love because it felt like a designated corner for me to rest. And I love the comforters. There's probably nothing unique about it since every hotel has them but really, I enjoyed my time snuggling under those sheets while watching That 70s Show on Netflix. 

Anyways, I spent the entire day with little human interaction. I got bored along the way and asked some friends to come over - which none of them did, but it's okay. 

Again, fast forward, I've decided to order some food from pizza hut - although come to think of it, I should've ordered something from Spize. I had beef lasagna for dinner with a side of garlic bread and drumlets (because I'm generally greedy and always hungry but I didn't end up finishing them).  

At around 9.35pm, I realized that I was getting sleepy and I told myself that I needed to get my shit together and get my work done (because it's so typical of me to stop half way and procrastinate, but I was really being productive!). So, I decided to get a cup of coffee from the book cafe I mentioned and took a slow stroll around the area. 

The night life was rather peaceful, yet full of entertainment. There were live performances and generally many people having a good time over dinner. The sky was the same as it was back home, only the stars were brighter and there was a full moon that night. I loved the ambiance and it felt as though I was back in Melbourne. There were twinkling lights hanging from the trees and jazz music filled the night air. There was just so much goodness that night. I felt a sense of serenity - like for a moment, my heart wasn't broken or I'm not stressing over my assignments. 

I got back into my room feeling refreshed and got back to doing my work before heading to bed at 2am - after an hour of Netflix and chill of course. 

Woke up bright and early for breakfast and then back to my room because I was expecting an old friend to come and although this weekend was meant for me to be alone, it felt great to finally be able to talk to someone. 

We talked about how life was like since I was 15. It's amazing how time flies and how much people change. We are both better and in someway, satisfied with how our lives turned out. It made me realize that some change is good (because I remembered when it felt like the end of the world when we parted) and I just hope I would be able to find myself in a good place again one day. 

Anyways, I checked out at 2pm and my temptation to extend another night was just too damn high because I just got to know I won't be working the next day. #problemswhenyourrostergetsreleasedfuckinglate 

And that was pretty much it. I've honestly had no regrets having this short weekend to myself. I've generally become someone who was heavily dependent on companionship and a part of me still misses the attention - but that's all there is to it. I'd probably use this experience to do more for myself in the future and I can't wait to see what's in store for me. 

Till next time, goodnight Xx