Pathetic

There is no End in Friend.

For once, until now . The phrase "better of alone" finally made sense to me . I finally didn't mind being left alone & listening to my friends laughing in the background till I change my mind about talking to them about my problems . I just didn't have the cheek to ruin their happy moods just to listen to my problems . But at least they're still my friends who didn't have to be worth fighting for but still meant more than a million to me .

When I heard laughter in the background, I realized that it really seems like forever when the 6 of us gather & laugh our butts out . And I aslo realize that it isnt they're fault . Other people say its "ego" . I call it "moving on" . It used to be just the 3 of us hanging out . then came 5 & 6 which I didnt mind but , things started to change . I feel so replaced . It was as if I wasnt good enough . Yes, I may not be what the world want I'm really sick of changing my attitude just to fit in . There are others out there whose behaviours more worst than mine but still can make friends . I dont blame those who hate me . Cause as far as I know, I apologized even though it wasnt my fault & its still isnt enough for them .

See what I mean ? Its always me whose the culprit & the funny thing is that I wasnt the one who walk out on them . If you recall, they were the one who walked out on me . I really try not to mention the past but I cant help it .

I'm currently at the stage where I want to have alot of time alone but neither do I want no one to ignore me . The slits on my neck really wasnt worth it which is the reason why I stop the habit . Mum thought that I had an eating disorder cause I'm not eating nowadays but I swear that doesnt have anything to do whit the problems I'm facing now . For once, I want to be the one whose been cared for . Until now, many people didnt realize the tag on me which says "handle with care". I'm fragile, get it ? Sensitive, yes . i'm sick of insults & people laughing at me as if they're oh so perfect .

"Facing the Music", everyone have to, eventually .

& your dream came true, I miss you . Would appreciate it if you wont tell anyone who . oh, I'm sure the person know who I'm refering to . Heh .

& I bloodyhell miss Qils . Yes, she was the one whose been there for me . Through thick & thin . She was the one who listen to my problems at 2am & I'm always there to listen to her's . We had fun having crushes at the same stupid jerk & her exboyf was mine too . But there never were any jealousy/betrayal between us . yeah, I miss you cute ass . [: