Thursday, 17 September 2009

Chapter 1, Page 6

These past few days have been a struggle.

Sometimes when I want to be strong, I can't cause you wouldn't let me.
Thinking of you just makes me feel weaker.
And there can never be a time when I can take you of my mind.

How long must I go on pretending that I understood what's on with your life ?
How long must I go on pretending that there's nothing missing in my life ?

These past few months have been wonderful, memorable & painful. But the good thing is that I've got someone to share my pain with.

These past few days however have been rather remorseful. The tears, fears & worries doesn't seem to fade away. I miss you so badly now. Worst of all, I can't tell you how much.

Frankly, I have been through enough to know that there's no such thing as Perfect. Nothing ever will be perfect. You taught me that life is full of dissapointments. And that wouldn't surprise me cause every time someone I care for just leave, there's bound to be a lesson learned.

I am sure that it is pretty clear that what we are, or what we were, was never meant to be. Right here, right now, I am ready to let go. I'm just waiting for an explaination.

There have been somethings that I've been hiding from the world lately. I have known for a long time that I have Thalassemia Major. It is an inherited autosomal recessive blood disease & for me, I got it from both of my parents. It's just my luck that I've got a major & my sister's just a minor.

I was just so afraid that anything can happen anytime. I didn't let anyone close to hurt me cause I'm already under so much stress. I backed off. I dissepeared, I ran away. But then I realize that I've got to stay strong. I've got to stay alive.

Back then, I thought I was going to die. But I didn't. As long as I'm living, I'll continue to see what lies ahead in front of me. What other surprises there will be, and how the story ends :]

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