Monday, 14 September 2009

Chapter 1, Page 3

Some of you should know that I have been going through shit in my previous relationships.
Nothing bad needs to happen for us to split. It just happened. One moment his there, the next his not.

This time, I wanted to be the culprit. I didn't want someone to hurt me. I wanted to hurt someone. It'll be like taking revenge.

I remembered making stupid promises to myself like hurting the next guy who tries to get close to me. I was pissed. No one ever loved me for real. That is when I thought that love doesn't exist. That is when people start giving me advice.

Someone told me. Love's a strong word. One day after you left the person and found a new one, you'll realized that you never loved that ex of yours. I believed her.

Till I met you.

We started of as strangers waiting for something to happen. Until one day, everything suddenly stopped. I wanted to be there for you when you got your heart break the 3rd time. But you wouldn't let me. So, I backed off. Cause I didn't know you well.

More days come by, I really did hope you were doing fine. Until a very particular day when you confessed. I find it the most bravest thing to do. It was the right day at the right time. I've never met someone who showed me so much care before.

Remember the fifth time you asked me ? I finally accepted. I knew what I was doing and I knew I choose someone right this time. Everything else seems so wrong but it doesn't matter. In my mind, you were everything.

You had a beautiful mind. With all the poems you gave me, I could tell that you were the poet. It wasn't some forward thing. I knew that you meant what you said. I knew that you must have written so many drafts before you send the perfect one to me.

Sometimes when you say that I was your best. I didn't believe you. I couldn't believe you. I don't want to fall to deeply for someone and I can't bear getting hurt again. I started to expect the unexpected. But the unexpected didn't come. I was relieved.

Suddenly everything stopped, again. The poems, the texting. Everything. I became scared. I became so afraid of losing you. Then, I remembered what that person told me about love being a strong word. I gave up. I wanted you to come back but you didn't show up.

Things get worse with what happened between you & your friends. I couldn't say anything cause I never want anything bad to happen between you & your friends. All I could do is show how jealous/angry I was. I knew that even if I say something, you wouldn't bother. The most you could do was to treat your friends differently & I knew you wouldn't do that. So I'd rather suffer alone.

The last thing I wanted to happen was your life being ruined by me. I didn't want anything else to change except for us. I rather things between us to go wrong then other things more important in your life. There was really nothing else I could do, except for hoping for the better.

Things may change, feelings may fade. But whatever it is, I never had any intention of hurting you. I just wish I could see you again, soon.

I miss your smile. I miss your face. I miss hugging you. I miss holding you. I miss being held by you. I miss feeling nothing else but you. I miss you.

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