Tuesday, 28 February 2012

I think I grow up too fast :/

Have you ever wondered how fast life passes by? Well I have. I've been thinking about it ever since I graduated. Eh no, ever since I was an O Level candidate. I mean, we were the oldest students in the school and suddenly so much more are expected from us. I personally felt like the whole world is on my shoulders. It's weird because it's just an exam - which determines my friggin future. It feels like only yesterday I was in Sec 1 and all of a sudden I'm in Sec 5. Now, I'm a secondary school graduate. You know how in certain movies where the cool kids dominate the school and then right after graduation they become nothing? Merely a face in your class photos? Well, it pretty much applies to everyone I think. I'm not saying that I was the coolest kid in school - in fact I was the epitome of un-coolness. Well, I don't think that I was ranked last in the popular chart either right? I mean I had my fair share of friends and there were good and bad times. Fuck that. Like I said, we're all merely a face in our class photos. Popularity rankings in secondary school means nothing to us anymore because what matters most now is what's going to happen next. 

It took me five dreadful and exciting years to get a miserable O Level cert. And it's gonna take me three more years to get a Diploma, insyallah. After that, it's just life. Some of us will prolly be working, others taking a Degree and the rest would be, I don't know? Halfway around the world I guess? Whoever/whatever we'll become in the future, no one's gonna tell us what to do (maybe except our bosses, blergh) or teach us the difference between right and wrong. It's a scary thought. It's like, you're all on your own. 

With this, I shall admit that I'm still scared of making my own decisions. 
At the same time, I find that the fact that my parents making most of the choices for me annoying but I know they'll always choose 'what's best for me' even if it doesn't make me happy. But yes, at the end of the day, it's what's best for us. Argh, I wish I was always right - like my parents. 

My parents always told me that life's pretty simple. I don't need to worry about bills or other adult responsibilities. Yes, it's not life that's a bitch sometimes. It's us. We choose to have drama in our lives when it can actually be avoided. I suddenly realize that whatever shit I've been through in my life wasn't important. What scares the shit out of me now is my future school, my future job and well, you get it right? 

I remembered that whenever my Dad drove pass NP, I'd look at the banners in awe. I'll be like, 'wow, this is where the big kids study.' And well, now I'm the big kid. Almost. 

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