Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Le sigh

As you can tell, I'm in a pretty sour mood today.
I'm just tired. I feel tired.

This post might seem like I'm feeling unappreciative but hey, we're only human. But pardon me for that.

This holiday really suck and the main reason why is because I have no money and no friends. I don't mean it literally but as you've seen I've only hung out with one friend recently - Syazana. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate her companion. I really do and being with her has been great but even she has other friends who she can go out with. The fact that many other people has more than one close friend really boggles me. It keeps me thinking what did I do wrong or am I just destined to be alone. Apart from that, I've quit my job two months ago and with the increase in  transportation fares I barely have enough money to go out. I'm not being a brat and trust me, I am dealing with this the best I can.

I feel like I've been through quite a rough time this past few months. Maybe to you it's nothing compared to the less fortunate. Yes, I am well aware of that but just because I'm normal it doesn't mean that my life is perfect right? At first, I got my O Levels which affected my family time. Same goes for having a job. And then when I volunteered to help take care of nenek it adversely affected my social life. Now that I'm not committed to anything, life is just too plain.

One thing I've been dealing with a lot lately is disappointments. Not just with my friends but with my family too. The funny thing is that I'm getting the hang of it. People bailing out on me, getting for job offers. Been there, done that. I'd like to hope for the better but at the same time I'm expecting for the worst. It sounds corny but every night I'll think about a day (which is unlikely to happen) that things will work out once or that someone will actually listen to my rants no matter how small it is. Even mum's too busy with wtv to ever listen to me and even if she did she'll be spending half of the time watching SVU. I used to always think of the worst in life situations but back then I was always surrounded by positive energy and it changed me a bit. But now, whenever mum asks me if I'm free the next morning for breakfast, I'll be expecting her to say that she has last minute plans with her friend and I'm starting not to mind.

Still, I'm just tired of disappointments.