Monday, 30 December 2013

Recollections 2013

 Hi starshines!

This is actually not my first attempt at this post and I don't know if it's still too early to do a recollection post but I might as well do it now before I forget all the things that happened to me this year. 

Before I even begin reminiscing about my life in 2013, I'd just like all of you to know that I never really fancied talking about myself. I like talking about how my day went and making my posts more alive by adding photos. To be honest, I have always been afraid of judgement. When I blog about my thoughts or my problems, people always think that I'm unappreciative - that there are others out there going through worst situations than I am etc, and they're right but I obviously had no intentions of sounding arrogant or pampered. I was just trying to voice out my thoughts. I try to stay thankful by reminding myself that I'm considered lucky compared to many out there. But there are days when I have my own troubles. Just because I have a roof over my head and my own bed to sleep on, it doesn't make my life perfect. 

For instance, 
I grew up believing that the concept of following your dreams is possible and I still do. I have that mindset that many things are possible and there are always ways to conquer them. Let's take travelling for example. I love travelling to the extent that I wouldn't mind going alone. It just gets very very veryyyyy frustrating when I see other people my age who are already travelling. Yes I know, I sound unappreciative. It's just that the fact that as I get older, many other things seemed more important so I would have to put that dream aside and idk I just foresee a day when I realize that dreams are for suckers, yknow what I mean? Ok a bit drama ah.

Anyways, here it is, my attempt to be more appreciative and to set aside the bad days and just talk about the good ones. 

If this was a year ago, I would hope that 2013 would be a special year. To some extent, it wasn't. It wasn't as life changing as I thought. So in other words, it was just like any other year. 

This year, I managed to amend my friendship with Nazirah & Khairiyah. I guess we all took each other for granted while we were in the same school and now that we're not, we'll usually try to meet up every term break wherever possible.

Rafiq and I never changed. We had our minor arguments but at the end of the day, we still had each other.  Knowing him for a year feels like forever. All I ever wanted was to know what it feels like to have an older sibling and fortunately for me, I saw a brother in him.

On a similar note, I grew closer to Kak Dilah. I talked about my problems a lot with her and she would tell me stories about her years in poly. I never really had a female role model when I was growing up and I'm glad that I have her. 

Ridhuan would be one of those people I'm most glad to meet. While Rafiq taught me to not be afraid to open my heart to love, Rid became the reason why. Not that I love him but you know what I mean. It's honestly hard to explain how different someone is from the rest of the world. You know that feeling when you're with someone and suddenly the sun shines twice as bright? Yes that feeling. I know it's cheesy and I wished I had better words to express it but eheh, I don't :p

Syaz is hardcore as ever. She's the kind of person who could feel more than she can express while I'm the opposite. I would always look forward to the day when we would have our lectures together so that we could have some girl talk. She always get excited to tell me about the exciting things that happened between her and Firdaus and I can't help but feel happy for her. So things between us is well. 

While I still find my freshmen clique awesome as always, we separated when sophomore year started because we all split up into different classes. I'm so happy to be in the current clique of friends. Come to think of it, we rarely have anything in common. Jerome's the oldest, and is into motorbikes. Like seriously, the only kawasaki I know is the disease. Raqib's into gigs and really really loud music. Liyana's talented in a a gazillion and one ways and she's the kind who knows how to get the job done no matter how little time we have. Stefany's the blur sotong of the group, but she's brilliant. This is the first clique I'm in where I never thought I'd feel like I belong. Despite our differences, we fit into each other's lives perfectly. 

Sabila remained the oldest and bestest friend I have. When I first moved here, she was those typical rowdy girls and now, she's a pre law student. We've been friends for almost ten years now and I never got to maintain a friendship that long before. We've been through so much together, from sharing the same crush to fighting over him and to mourning over his death six years ago. We only get to meet once every semester and if we did, I love that we had so much to catch up on. 

I wished this post could be about the things I accomplished. I never did accomplished anything for myself. Most days, I'm surrounded by love and other times, I feel alone. 

In 2013, I learned that people are capable of hurting me, more than once. 
I learned that failure is a part of life and that people may not believe that I did my best, but at the end of the day it's my race and not theirs.
I learned that nobody has the right to hurt others, but we can't force them to treat us the way we want them to.
I learned that life can be very unfair. 
Most importantly, I learned to love myself because sometimes, I'm all I've got. 

I'm not gonna hope for much for the coming year. I won't wish for a problem-free life nor do I wish that people would  be treating me better. Instead, I'll wish to be a better me. I wish to be stronger and more tolerant to criticisms and I wish to be able to believe in myself.  

May 2014 bring you more happiness and joy than the previous years did. Happy (almost) new year everyone :)


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