Monday, 2 February 2015

Hello February


January has been an absolute fun (yet shaky) ride and I'm glad that my 2015 is off to a good start! I'm actually pretty thrilled that the hardest part of my internship is now over and now I get to see all the behind the scenes at my special postings. I actually just had my first day in the ED today and so far, well, it just isn't my cup of tea. Oh but then again, it's still too early to make conclusions. 

Come to think of it, there's actually nothing much to update on. Mum's birthday was about a week ago but there wasn't any big celebrations mainly because we're all still grieving from my grandmother's death somewhere last Christmas. 

Speaking of my grandmother, I actually do think of her a lot. Honestly on most days, she's all I think about. The last time a grandparent of mine passed away was more than 10 years ago and I was pretty much too young to understand anything. 

My grandmother passed away in the hospital and most people would expect me to know why. The last news I heard when she was admitted was that performing an angiogram on her would just increase the risk of it's complications due to her old age, so the doctors decided on a 2D echo instead - a scan which only tells you how badly your main arteries (to your heart) is blocked. 

Even so I did not know what the result was. 

I tried my best to visit her whenever I can. Most of the time she was in pain and struggling for her (although it didn't show on her vitals). And when she's awake, we would tease her and her response would always make us laugh. 

That memory when my dad told me that she passed away is still fresh in my mind - like it only happened yesterday. I headed to the hospital straight from work and all my relatives were there. 

You know, you would think that being in nursing would mean getting used to seeing people deteriorate and eventually die - within minutes sometimes. I have seen a fair amount of visitors cry so hard over their deceased relative in the ward. 

But that afternoon, the amount of sadness can never compare to all kinds of heartbreaks I've ever experienced. 

Ah well, I'm sorry if this post ended up being a depressing one. One thing's for certain is that I do miss my grandmother so darn much and I'm sure she misses us too. We all may have lost one very stubborn, naggy but very very thoughtful person in our lives but she has lost all of us. Truth be told, I see a part of her in some of my patients and it makes me both happy and sad. 

I know I've said it a million times that nursing may not be the career I'll continue to pursue in the long run, but my grandmother was partly the reason why I chose this path - and no matter how long or short my journey is in healthcare, I would very much love to do it for her. 

I guess that's enough emotions for today. Time to chase the blues away with my weekly dose of Code of Law. 

Goodnight lovelies! Xx

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